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Tips for Taking Children to Funeral Services
Kids experience loss in their own way, and they need time to grieve and come to terms with the event. If you choose to involve kids with arrangements, prepare them carefully. Follow these tips and recommendations for taking children to funeral services to ensure that that process is positive.
Considerations to Remember
Adults process death differently than kids. Before deciding to take a child to a service, consider what the event will be like. The relationship to the deceased will play a major role in this decision. When the loss involves a close family member, it's common to include kids in the process. Even so, remember to give a child choices involving their level of participation. Some young mourners might not want to be left out of anything, while others may take a more restrained approach.
Recommendations about Age
It's common for people to want to learn a specific age at which it's appropriate for kids to attend funeral services. Rather than assign an age, it's better to consider each individual youth when making a decision about attendance. Ask about personal preference for attending. Some may immediately say they want to go, while others prefer not to attend. Whatever decision a child makes, respect it, and do your best to accommodate this choice. Forcing a child to attend a service against his will or preventing a youngster from attending when he wants to could be equally harmful in the long term. Even teenagers need this choice, because not every adolescent will feel comfortable attending a service.
Preparation is Key
For the youngster who opts to attend, spend time talking about the entire event prior to that day. Give as many details as you can to help prepare for the emotional situation. Discuss who will be there, the things that will happen, where it will take place, and how long it will last. It's even helpful to discuss tradition and history of funeral services to explain why people hold funerals for the deceased. It's appropriate to explain that funerals are a way for people to say goodbye to someone who has died. Some view this day as an opportunity to celebrate the life of a person who has died. People attend to receive and give comfort to others who are also mourning the loss. If you know whether the viewing will involve an open casket, talk about this, too. Be as forthcoming as you can so that all expectations are clear. Also explain that it's fine to decide not to view the deceased, if desired. Answer all questions as fully as possible to ensure preparation and confidence.
Although funeral services are challenging at any age, kids need special preparation and support to attend. Choose one adult who is close to a child to be the designated support person throughout the entire process. This person can provide assistance, answer questions, and even make it possible to leave, if necessary. With loving support, a child will likely have a fulfilling experience.